Theological
Understanding of a Miscarriage
Theology
matters. So often as Christians we hear
that word and think it is only for pastors, seminary students, and Sunday
school classes. But theology matters in
every day life. Our understanding of
God, His creation, and His plan matters in our day-to-day lives.
This has never
been clearer to me than in the past few months.
As many of you may know from Ashlee’s blog post (Here, you should really read this) we had a miscarriage during our fourth
pregnancy about a month ago. This is one
of the hardest things Ashlee and I have had to go through. As we worked through our miscarriage, our understanding
and theology of children, life, sin, death, and God were invaluable. Our theology helped direct our grieving
process, as well as celebrate life.
As a pastor and
preacher, one of the best ways for me to use this for God’s glory is to show how having a
correct theology and a biblical understanding of a miscarriage helped shepherd
our hearts through this. Here are four
truths that helped us form a theology of our miscarriage and that comforted us
through this process.
This was a baby, not
just tissue
In our world today, with the ridiculous amounts of abortions
happening, we cheapen the life in a woman's belly. We call it tissue. When someone informs us that they have had a
miscarriage we feel bad for them, but that’s about it. It was just tissue, right? No big deal.
Wrong.
Psalms 139:13-16 tells us in a beautiful
fashion that God created King David in “his mother’s
womb.” The life of a
baby begins at conception. The passage
tells us that God sees us as a person even in our mother’s womb. Because of this, when we found out we were
pregnant we celebrated the life of a baby.
On the other spectrum, when we found out
that we miscarried we mourned the loss of a baby. We cried, we were sad, and we did not try and
hide it. We did not hide it from our
kids either. We let them mourn and talk
about how they were sad.
We got things to help remember the baby
we lost (My daughter Jayden is outside right now picking flowers to remember
our baby). We also celebrated the 10
weeks God gave us with this baby. We
rejoiced over the joy we had because of the baby being in Ashlee's belly. Our baby (which we think was a boy and named
Simeon) was a real baby and was made in the image of God just like the rest of
us. We will always remember, celebrate,
and mourn our baby. He was a person, not
just tissue.
This baby is with God
This is one of
the biggest comforts through the loss of an unborn baby. In 2 Samuel 12:23 David is discussing the
loss of his baby, which God took from him because of his sin with
Bathsheba. In this verse David says “Can I bring him back again? I
will go to him, but he will not return to me.” As we know David
was a believer and he is referring to heaven here. David believed (and was not corrected for it)
that he would see his baby again in heaven.
This is a huge comfort to parents who have lost babies. A fuller
understating of this can be found Here in an article by John MacArthur. In
short this verse along with a fuller understanding of God, and His love and
compassion on children, leads us to believe that God has provided a way for
babies who die to be with their Maker in Heaven. I believe that my baby is with
God, never having to know the pains of this sinful world. He is living in perfection for all
eternity. I never once have to be
worried about him because he is in God’s
care now, which is infinitely better than the care Ashlee and I could have ever
given him. And someday “I will go to him.”
God did not desire for
this baby to die
This is similar to the understanding of
God’s desire for all to be
saved (1 Timothy 2:4). However, in His will only the elect are saved - just
read all of Romans 11. For a fuller
understanding of this Here is a great article by John Piper. But
again, although God’s
desire is for all to be saved, for the sake of His glory, not all are.
In the same way,
we know that it was not God’s desire for this baby to die, but it
was His will. I’ll talk more on God’s
will below. When you look at Ezekiel 18:23,
we see that God does not even want the wicked to die. “Have
I any pleasure in the death of the wicked, declares the Lord GOD, and not
rather that he should turn from his way and live? (ESV)” This
death is both a physical death from this world and a spiritual death, eternal
separation from God. Continuing on in
the same chapter, verse 32 says “For I have no pleasure in the death of
anyone.” Death
was brought on by sin, and God hates death.
God mourns those who die.
God created Adam and Eve to live with Him
for all eternity, but because of their sin they brought on death. That is why Jesus had to come, die, and resurrect
from the dead; so that He could defeat death, giving us a hope for life after
physical death. When we understand this
in a miscarriage, we know that God mourns with us. He feels our pain. I know that during this time God is not
pleased by the death of my child. This
understanding kept us close to God; we knew God was sympathizing with us.
It was God’s will for this baby to
die
Lastly we know
that even though it was not God’s desire for our baby to die, it was
His will, and ultimately for His glory.
Ephesians 1:11 tells us that “In
him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the
purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will,” and Isaiah 43:7 reminds us
that “everyone who is
called by my name… I
created for my glory.” My baby’s death was part of God’s will and in some way brought God glory.
These last two
points always need to be understood together.
It was not God’s
desire for someone to die, but it was His will.
If we just say it was not His desire, then we take power from God. If it was just for His will, we take
compassion from God. When you put them
together you get a compassionate God who is acting for what is best - His
glory. I know that God is in control and
the death of my baby was not pointless.
God has already been using it on me in order to teach me how to love my
wife even more through all of this. He
has also shown me a greater picture of how precious my other three children
are. Both of these bring God glory and
that is a good thing. It was part of God’s will.
In the past week
or two, Ashlee and I have reflected on the past month and wondered how anyone
could go through this without God and a correct understanding of God. I have been so thankful for my studies in God’s Word during this time. It has been the greatest comfort I could ask
for. It has driven our response to our
miscarriage, shown us how to mourn the loss of our baby, given us hope for our
baby, allowed us to feel God’s
compassion through this loss, and has given meaning to the death of our baby.
Theology Matters.